People Are People

Get ready to have your mind blown…

What the hell is wrong with these idiots?

What the hell is wrong with these idiots?

Did you know that your kids are people?  Even your newborn is a person!  A whole entire person, albeit a small one, with a whole entire range of emotions and ideas!

Do you know how I know?  I mean besides all of that science mumbo-jumbo that gets thrown around (read Dr. John Medina).  I know because I was once a child.  Crazy.  I know.  I consider myself lucky to have very vivid memories going all the way back to toddlerhood.  If for no other reason than I can pull from them in order to help myself understand children.

The most prominent thing for me is my “inner voice”, you know, the thoughts you think, and the “voice” that narrates them.  I do a lot of thinking.  I remember doing a lot of thinking as a child.  Here’s the thing, that “voice” is the exact same voice I “heard” when I was an itty bitty.  That voice HAS NOT CHANGED in the least.  You know what this tells me?  It tells me that I’ve always been me.  That children are always the same person.  Of course, as grown-ups we know many of the changes that lie ahead, but kids don’t.  They can’t, because they learn through experience.  And frankly, how much experience can a three year-old have?

On my fourth birthday (which is Christmas Day, go me!) I got a baby buggy, like an old-school pram thingy.  I loved it!  I remember thinking something along the lines of: WHOA!  THIS SHIT IS TIGHT, YO!  I’m paraphrasing, but you get the idea.  Anyway, bonus for me, not only did I have a brand new, sweet-ass ride for my dolls… I.  WAS.  FOUR!  FOUR!!!  Come on people, go there with me.  HOLY SHIT!  I’M FUCKING FOUR YEARS OLD!  This is as old as I’ve EVER been!  I am CLEARLY fully grown, and I’m ready to take on the world!  Look out, bitchez!  I’m four, and I’m coming for you!

Do you remember being four?  Try.  Try to remember how you felt.  Hell, try to remember how you felt on any day when you were little.

Yes, having your birthday on Christmas blows.  But at least no one was concerned about safety back then, and I got to walk my happy, four-year-old ass two blocks down the street to my “Gramma Charlie’s” house (where we had family gatherings), IN the snow… WITH my awesome baby buggy… ALL BY MYSELF!  Actually, I walked it alone before I was four, and in all kinds of weather.  But GOD DAMN IT!  Today I’m FOUR!  FUCK YEAH!

Seriously, I tear-up remembering how happy I was to be four.  I wore THE BIGGEST smile while I was walking, all the while, absolutely BURSTING!  When I got to Gramma Charlie’s with my buggy, I announced to everyone, “I’M FOUR!”  And the grown-ups were all like, “that’s great”, “happy birthday”, and shit.  Obviously they had never been four, because this shit was off the chizz-ain!

The point here is that no matter how young, in your child’s mind, they are always the same person.  Think of who you are now, and then think about how you like to be treated.  That is all your children want…  To be treated like a person whose feelings matter, and whose thoughts are validated, and to be respected as an individual.  Trying to control children, dismissing them, thinking that this time while they’re little is just an obstacle to a time when they can do everything for themselves and your life will be so much easier – is a recipe for disaster.  This time DOES matter.  Every fucking day matters.  Not all people have memories going back so far, but even if you don’t remember being little… it still happened.  And it shaped who you are right this very minute.

Your kids are people, treat them as such.

And PS, now that you’re a parent, your life will never be easy again.  I’m sorry to be the one to have to tell you this, but it’s true.  “Newborn” is as easy as it gets.  For the rest of your life you will lose sleep over, have your heart broken by, and worry about the safety of your children.  At least newborns can’t drive, say they hate you, or marry a total asshole.

 

If There Was a Problem…

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The first step is to collaborate and listen.

A wise man once said, “If there was a problem, yo, I’ll solve it.” Which has been my motto for, at least the last 10 minutes.

I think my thing is that I tend to work backwards.  Like with new computer software, I WILL make that shit do what I want it to do… somehow.  I mean it, I WILL get there.  You need me to break into your car?  Well, I’ve never done that before, but I WILL do it now (true story)!

I pick an end goal, and then start problem solving in order to make it happen.  After all, if you don’t know where you’re going, any road will take you there.  Am I right, people!?!  Or rather, is Lewis Carroll right, people!?!  The other thing I tend to do, at least with kids, is to focus on what I can do, and not what I can’t.  I can make a whole list of reasons why I can’t do something, believe me.  But what good is dwelling on that?  None.  No good.  However, focusing on the things that can be done – even if you aren’t successful – will give you a more positive outcome, ESPECIALLY WITH CHILDREN.

I remember this one time when a seven year old asked me if she could get her “driving license.” The obvious answer, of course, was no. She wasn’t old enough, duh! End of discussion. But I didn’t say that. I explained to her that there are steps to getting a driver’s license. There are things that you need to do first.  I told her that she would need to know about traffic laws.  That she could get a permit to practice driving at 15 and a half. That she could take driver’s education classes, that she could learn about cars and driving, that she could even save money to buy her own car… blah, blah, blah.  Oh man, she was SO excited!  She decided that she can watch how other people drive, like her parents, while riding in the car, AND that she would, in fact, be saving her money for a car.  From what I could gather, she was A LOT happier than if I had just said, “No, you’re too young.”  A little disappointed perhaps, but now she had a goal in mind, and knew what steps she had to take to reach that goal.  Then, she went and made a bed for her dolls out of a newspaper and a box of tissues, using only a stapler.  Which I thought was pretty cool.

Maybe it’s just me, but what’s wrong with children having ideas, even crazy ideas? Even if your gut reaction is “THAT’S FUCKING RIDICULOUS!” Why wouldn’t you help your little one brainstorm solutions?  YOU might think it’s impossible, but what if you tried thinking about what IS possible? Actually… anything is possible.  For all you know, that problem has already been solved in another dimension (Personally, I like to think that that is true for all of my own problems).  One of my favorite talents is that I can take two completely unrelated events and demonstrate cause and effect.  One time I told Chase bank I was late on a credit card payment due to the birth of Jesus.  I’ll let you get there on your own, but I made a pretty compelling case.  So compelling, in fact, that the guy on the phone was speechless, and apologized to me.  He later hung up on me though, after I said I didn’t know what month it was because it’s not like that information is available to just anyone.  But I digress…  I’m just saying, put your thinking cap on once in awhile, it’s good for you, and you will raise kids who do the same.

Aww yeah... I got this, bitchez!

Aww yeah… I got this, bitchez!

If you think about it hard enough, you will find that there is a solution to every problem.  Don’t just be the mean old naysayer, be a thinker.  Be creative.  Think WITH your kids.  Brainstorm.  Write that shit down if you need to.  This is not “extra work”, people, this is parenting.  24/7/365…for the rest of your life (although it will feel like 25/8/one million-billion).

Don’t be afraid, yes parenting is work that you don’t always feel like doing.  The good news is that, at times, that’s okay too!  (We’ll talk about when don’t nobody got time for that shit another post.)

You don’t have to have all of the answers, but you do need to be willing to think, and to find out.