Perfect Swaddle

Yay! Finally Baby Larry has arrived, and I can share my step-by-step swaddle instructions!

This swaddle uses two regular old receiving blankets, like the kind you can steal from the hospital. It doesn’t matter what size they are, or if they are even square.

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Fold the first blanket into something resembling a triangle, roughly the length of your baby.

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Fold the second blanket completely in half, and lay it on top of the first blanket about one inch higher.

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Lay your baby in the center with his/her shoulders about one inch above the top of the blankets.

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Fold one corner of the top blanket over one arm, and tuck under baby’s body.

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Wrap and tuck the other corner.
If your baby is small, one blanket is enough. But you can adjust this swaddle to fit your baby as he/she grows. You never need to buy fancy, expensive blankets.

For bigger babies:

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Wrap and tuck one corner of the bottom blanket.

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Repeat with the other corner.

There you go, the best fucking swaddle ever!

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Space is left around the neck and shoulders so that baby can’t get his/her head nestled into a pocket of blanket, and then start breathing only carbon dioxide.

The legs are left free so you never have to worry about hip dysplasia.

There is no age where you have to stop swaddling. If your baby rolls over WHILE SWADDLED, it’s time to stop. But I have seen 12 month olds who love to be swaddled and remain on their backs while swaddled, even though they’re perfectly capable of rolling over, and even walking.

So get yourself some cheap ass blankets and go to town!

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